Some say after a breakup it's wise to take time, process the hurt, remember how & why you got to that position and a whole lot of other great stuff. There’s nothing wrong with solitary, or self-care time.
However, the problem with this process is that you start to enjoy being ALONE a little too much.
The unimaginable joy that comes with peace and quiet, especially after a traumatic experience is explainable. But the question is what happens when it becomes too quiet.
I was advised to stop hiding and licking wounds that should have healed and based on this argument and some research here are 5 reasons why isolation isn't good for healing:
1. Isolation feeds Anger.
When you overly reflect on negative things, it feeds anger and bitterness. In a short while like me you do the following:
- Start to cut people off at the slightest hint of being flawed,
- Do not give new people a chance due to your past experiences and lastly
- You use blanket statements like “All men and women are the same”.
I understand the need to be angry, righteous anger or indignation is good after all you've been wronged and hurt. You deserve your pound of flesh, however, all of the above is not productive.
I'm still learning how to evaluate situations analytically and in some instances, I discuss with open-minded people to determine how best to handle being hurt or disappointed. against brooding myself to a frenzy and feeding my anger and in some cases self-righteousness.
I would time soliloquizing arguments instead of looking for productive things to do with my time because I've internalized my trauma and dealt with it isolation.
2. Isolation feeds Stress.
The downside of living independently is we often become overwhelmed by stress, depression and unhappiness.
Stressed, depressed and unhappy is not a state you can heal and it’s not a location your next partner or love can find you. He or she won't be able to connect with you. These feelings of being overwhelmed come from a place of lack of connection and mutual support.
Also, in some cases, no amount of “self-care” or “therapy” can fill your disconnect and this affects one's mental health.
3. It makes you forget people.
Whether you like it or not human beings were not built to be alone. We dedicate years to hustling, making power moves, looking after kids and forget that there has to be a balance. God loves us all however, we need to cultivate true, deep, connected relationships with other adults.
We don’t seem to realize that to heal beyond certain traumas, stresses, or mental health issues, we actually need others in a way that promotes connection, and not further isolation.
For many of us, most of our wounding is actually caused by stresses and traumas that we internalized because they occurred, and we responded to them, while in isolation.
4. It feeds Trauma
The more alone time you have, the more you feed the pain and hurt. I once went to a party and it felt like I was in a strange place because I didn't connect to anyone or anything. I had no clue how to even be social anymore. Trauma feeds isolation and negative energy, it makes you feel like your tale of woes are beyond comparison.
5. You're feeling Stuck
Isolation sometimes stifles creativity and many times you cannot see or think clearly while traumatized. Next time you realize you feel desperately stressed, unhappy, and as though you are stuck, consider the cause of your being stuck might actually be isolation.
In essence, we heal the wound through the same contexts it was formed. If we formed the trauma through relational isolation, we must heal the trauma through relationship connection...
This space is a no judgement zone, feel free to send me an email if you want to tell your story, let's help others learn from our mistakes email yikesimasinglemum@gmail.com.
The plan at the end of the day is to render assistance where necessary. Encourage me, by dropping a comment. Please #Share and #Rebroadcast
Have a great weekend and see you next Wednesday.
Ciao
No comments:
Post a Comment